He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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