Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
