You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
