I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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