she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
