Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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