It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
