idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
