I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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