I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
