there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
