Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
