Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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