would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
