I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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