Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize