The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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