Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
