Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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