You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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