Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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