Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
