she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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