That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
