Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
