I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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