i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
