evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
