You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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