So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
