All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
