Betty ford says i'm here all night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize