I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
