as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
