he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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