I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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