Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
