i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
