so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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