my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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