this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
