When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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