She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
