Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
