p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
