dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
