the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
