watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
