I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
