"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
