i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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