its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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