Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
