U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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