dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
