In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
