eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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