I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
