I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
