Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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