Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
