It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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