i wish my penis had a tongue
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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