anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
