but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just tell him i said nine months
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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