Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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